Nightmares of Power
by Adalanta
Summary: Jesse is having problems getting past the events of "Power Play" and needs Adam's and Emma's help to deal with it.
1. Chapter One

****

Nightmares of Power

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: All of the characters in this story belong to whoever owns "Mutant X," and, unfortunately, that's not me. Too bad.

Author's Note: This story takes place immediately after the events in "Power Play," specifically that night after everyone has gone to sleep. It will probably only be two to four chapters long. I'm not quite sure since I haven't finished writing it yet. I've only seen a couple of episodes of the show, and I am now officially hooked. This is my first Mutant X story, so any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. Please, take the time to leave a review, or you can email me at adalanta14@yahoo.com. 

Chapter One

Emma bolted upright in her bed, gasping, the mental scream of terror still echoing through her mind. Grasping her head with both hands, she tried to center herself, isolate herself from the barrage of emotions that swirled about her like a tornado. After a few long seconds, she managed to regain her control, creating a thick mental wall to surround her mind, protecting it from other's thoughts and emotions.

Slowly, she thinned one section of the mental wall, just enough for her to slip out a thin tendril of thought. Someone nearby was terrified, she knew that for sure. But who? 

Another mental scream – this one of agony – greeted her probe. This time the mental signature was identifiable, its normal even tone sharp and jagged. 

__

Jesse! she shouted in her mind. With a small cry of alarm, she jumped out of bed, rushing the dozen feet to his bedroom. Bursting through the door, she quickly spotted his writhing figure on the bed, tangled up in his bed sheets, wrestling with them wildly. Barely pausing to flip on the light, she hurried to his side, anxious to help in whatever way possible.

For a split second, she thought he was awake, just disorientated, but as she stepped closer, she realized that he was asleep, caught in the tearing claws of a vicious nightmare. Writhing on the bed, agonized cries escaping his pinched, pale lips, he was completely unresponsive to her words.

"Jesse! Wake up! It's just a nightmare, Jess, wake up! Please!" When her words had no effect on him, she reached out to touch his restless head, flinching at the cool dampness of his skin, frigid beneath a thick coat of sweat. Her eyes widened in fear at the physical symptoms of shock, now noticing how his entire frame shook violently with shudders.

__

I've got to do something now, or this could get really bad, she thought, heart pounding painfully against her ribs, threatening to burst through her chest.

She closed her eyes in concentration and opened her mind to his, sending out several probes that practically knocked down the paper-thin walls that protected his mind. Once inside, she was all but overwhelmed by Jesse's panicked, frantic thoughts.

__

Fading, his mind shrieked, his words tinged in red for terror with a tinge of blue for the beginnings of asphyxia._ Can't breathe! No! Can't…control. It hurts! Oh, god, it hurts! What's happening to me?! _Another mental scream of anguish – _Help me! Please! HELP!_ And then an agonizing tide of pain rolled over her and she couldn't take it anymore, she was drowning, it hurt, it hurt…

She pulled out so abruptly from Jesse's mind that she saw him physically convulse and cry out at the fierce stinging sensation, like a rubber band that has snapped. She froze for a moment, panting and blinking, all of her energy going to block out her friend's tumultuous thoughts and feelings. She'd never encountered a mind full of such agony and fear that she had been unable to remain inside for such a short span of time – literally a few seconds. But what could have caused…?

__

Oh, god. He's reliving today's mission to Twin Creeks! She watched in horror as Jesse began to partially phase in and out, first his right arm becoming intangible, then, as it returned to normal, his right leg phased out.

"Adam!" she cried into her comm-ring. "Adam, wake up!"

"Emma?" a groggy voice replied after a brief (yet all-too-long) pause. "What's wrong?"

"I'm in Jesse's room. He's completely out of control, phasing in and out! Get in here quick!"

"I'm on my way."

She barely registered the response, focusing instead on her shuddering, writhing teammate. _He's panicking, loosing control. If I can't get him to wake up and regain control, he could phase out completely, just like he nearly did earlier today at the Twin Creeks power plant._

As Jesse's phasing grew even more erratic, Emma knew she couldn't afford to wait any longer. She took a deep breath and then opened her mind to his once again, this time maintaining a thin shield between them to lessen the overwhelming emotions that grasped at her. One moment, she was sitting at his bedside, the next, she was kneeling next to him on the hard, cold cement floor of the power plant. His fully phased form curled in on itself in agony, his fists tightly clenched, his body convulsing wildly. Even though she knew it was just a memory, she couldn't suppress the fear that welled up inside her, flowing through her veins like ice water.

"Jesse!" she spoke aloud in his mind, as desperate to contact him now as she had been just hours before during the battle. "Jesse, look at me. Open your eyes and look at me!"

Her words fell on deaf ears. Jesse was so trapped in the moment that he was unable to hear her.

"Jesse, please! Listen to me!" she pleaded. "It's not real, Jess! This is just a dream, a memory from before! This isn't happening! You've got to wake up!"

Finally, the words began to reach him, and he opened wide, terrified blue eyes, still phased, gripping his chest in pain and rolling from side to side on the ground.

"That's it, Jesse! Look at me. Concentrate! This isn't real. None of this is real! You have to wake up!"

He looked up at her, gasping for breath that would not come from lungs that had temporarily disappeared. _Help…me!_ she heard, a faint whisper in her mind, and saw his lips move, trying in vain to speak. _Hurts…tired…can't…_ The words grew fainter even as he thought them, as if his mind were already pulling away, fading into nothing.

"Yes, you can! You can do it! Just take my hand."

__

No…too…tired. Sorry…Emma. His eyes slid shut, and she knew deep in her heart that she was loosing him. 

"I won't let you die!" she screamed at him. Ruthlessly, she threw away her mental shield and pushed harder into his mind, deeper than she'd ever been before, forcefully making him believe that his right hand had become tangible. As his hand returned to normal, she grasped it and squeezed as hard as she could, enough to cause pain. When Jesse's unfocused blue eyes flew open in surprise, she said firmly, "Do you feel that?" She squeezed harder. "That didn't happen before, did it? If this is real, how could that happen?"

His eyes cleared a bit, focusing slightly, and he seemed to fight even harder than before to turn tangible – which was exactly what she did not want him to do. It would use up what little energy he had left.

"No, Jesse! Don't fight! It's not real! You don't have to fight anything! Just take my hand and hold tight."

He clung to her hand as she began to pull him up off of the freezing floor; at the same time, she pushed further into his mind, making his body materialize as they moved upwards. Finally, he was standing, swaying dangerously, and she grabbed one of his arms and placed it over her shoulder so he could lean against her. She looked deeply into his eyes and, seeing the pain and fear in their depths, placed her right hand on his left cheek, concentrated…

And came back into herself just in time to see Jesse's eyes snap open, look into her own for a second, and then roll up into his head, his shuddering body collapsing limply on the bed. Emma watched with bleary eyes as Adam quickly wrapped Jesse's damp, shivering body in a couple of warm blankets, and then hurried out of the room with his unconscious, yet fully tangible, form in his arms. Emma followed only a few seconds later.

TBC… 


	2. Chapter Two

Nightmares of Power

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, I swear.

Author's Note: Wow! Thank you so much for all the reviews! It's always a little frightening when you begin to write about a new show, so I never dreamed I would get such an enthusiastic response. I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations. I'll probably wrap the whole story up in a chapter or two. Please, take the time to leave a review and let me know how I'm doing, or you can email me at adalanta14@yahoo.com. Thanks! 

Chapter Two

Adam Kane typed a few more words into the computer, hit enter, and then closed out the screen with a heavy sigh. He scrubbed his face with both hands, a very un-Adam-like gesture that spoke volumes of his frustration and the lingering effects of stress. He closed his eyes for a few more seconds to regain control of his emotions and then turned around to look into the center of the medical bay, his eyes focusing automatically on the figure lying motionless on the bed and the person sitting next to it.

He watched as Emma deLauro gently stroked a few blond hairs from Jesse Kilmartin's face and pulled up the blankets to tuck them in closer around his unconscious form. Adam didn't need to be a telempath to tell how worried Emma was for her friend. Her usually lively green eyes were dark with concern, like spring grass when the clouds cover the sun, throwing darkness over all. Her reddish-brown hair fell over her thin shoulders, uncombed. Every once in a while, she would absently push it back out of her way, too worried about her teammate to think of something so unimportant as brushing her hair.

Adam shifted his gaze to Jesse and visibly winced at the sight of the young man lying so still, covered up to his neck in thick blankets, an oxygen mask covering most of his face. He hated using the mask, but it had been necessary. When he had first reached Jesse, the molecular had been so deep in shock that he had nearly stopped breathing. He shuddered involuntarily at the thought of what might have happened if Emma hadn't heard Jesse's mental screams and rushed to his side. _Thank god for Emma. I don't know what I would have done without her._ He clenched his fist, frustrated by the fact that he wouldn't have been able to help one of his team – one of his children – even if by some miracle he had found him. He never could have gotten through to him…and Jesse would have died.

He'd never forget the sight that had met him when he had reached Jesse's bedroom. The molecular had been phasing erratically, parts of his body becoming intangible, even as he writhed on the bed, gasping desperately for air. At first, he'd thought something was physically wrong with him, an attack of some sort, but then he'd seen that his eyes were closed and, no matter what Adam had said, Jesse gave no indication that he heard him. Then he'd turned to Emma…he'd called her name several times before he'd realized that she was busy inside Jesse's mind, trying to help him.

His fears had increased drastically when Jesse had completely phased his entire body, just like he had earlier that morning in the very same room they were in now. Time had seemed to stand still. He'd watched helplessly as Jesse fought harder and harder to solidify, his ghostly body thrashing about on the bed. And then…the frantic motion just…stopped …completely, as if someone had thrown off the power switch. _No! I can't have lost him,_ he'd screamed in his mind. _Please, no! Not Jesse!_

Then, he'd watched with disbelieving eyes as Jesse, seemingly without reason, abruptly phased back into existence, sitting up straight in the bed, his body rigid. Glancing into his confused, pain-filled eyes, Adam knew instinctively that the young mutant's body couldn't take any more. He'd begun to move towards him when Jesse's unfocused blue eyes had rolled back into his head, and he had passed out, falling limply back onto the mattress.

Reaching out to touch his face, Adam had cursed. Not only was the skin ice cold and damp, shivers continuing to wrack his frame, but he was also laboring to breathe. Adam knew instantly that Jesse was in shock. If he didn't get him warmed up soon, he would stop breathing altogether. He'd reacted without thinking, quickly grabbing a couple of thick blankets from the chair by the bed and bundling the trembling body up tightly. Next, he'd gathered the blanket-wrapped form, cradling him close to his chest for warmth and set out as fast as possible for the medical bay.

It had taken him almost an hour to get the young man stabilized and out of danger. Once he'd finished with Jesse, he'd suddenly become aware of Emma, how she'd been pacing back and forth ten feet away, just far enough to stay out of the way but close enough to help if he asked for it. 

She had taken three steps before she'd noticed his scrutiny and had quickly rounded on him. "I don't understand!" she'd said angrily. "He seemed perfectly fine before he went to bed last night. Why is this happening?!"

He'd sighed. "It's a delayed reaction. Jesse's mind couldn't deal with everything that's happened so it pushed it aside until there was time to work it out." He had paused and swallowed, his eyes flickering briefly over to the prone form on the bed before returning to Emma. "Unfortunately, the trauma is worse that I suspected. There must be more to this than I thought. Something else is bothering him. But what that is…I'm not sure." He'd glanced away, unable to meet her darkened eyes, the unrelenting feeling of blame making him feel physically ill. "This is all my fault. I should have realized how this would affect him. If I'd kept him here for observation – " 

A soft hand had touched his arm, cutting off his words. "No, Adam. No one could have known that this would happen. It's never happened before – how can you expect the unexpected?" 

He blinked, coming out of the disturbing memory with a jolt. Whenever one of his children was injured, he, himself, felt hurt. It was like he lost a piece of his soul whenever that happened. Instead of becoming used to it, as one might expect, each time it grew more and more difficult to face.

"He's looking a little better, don't you think?" Emma's soft voice broke the heavy silence, temporarily blocking out the incessant beeping from the various monitors and machines. 

With anyone else, Adam might have been startled, but he was used to it with Emma. She could tell whenever someone was near, especially if that someone was emoting as much as Adam was right now. He tried to dampen his feelings a bit for her sake, but the helplessness still remained…maybe not quite as intense as before, but it was still there.

"Yes, he does. He is getting better, Emma." He stepped closer to the bed, to her side and put a reassuring arm around her thin shoulders.

"Then why doesn't he wake up? It's been almost four hours. Surely, he should have woken up by now." She turned her head to look him in the eye, and he could feel her mental presence as she tried to gauge his feelings. 

"He's exhausted, Emma. His body is so weak and tired from everything that has happened that he needs plenty of rest to recover." At her doubtful look, he continued on softly. "Look, his temperature has stabilized. So has his heart rate. He's no longer in shock. He'll be fine. We just need to give him time to rest."

Emma shook her head. "I just…" Her voice broke off, and he felt a shiver run through her. "If you'd seen – felt – what I did in his mind, what he was going through…it's not normal, Adam. He was trapped in that nightmare – and he truly believed that what was happening was real, that he was still inside that plant fighting for control." She closed her eyes with a shudder, prompting Adam to hug her tighter. "He was in so much pain…"

For a while, Adam could do nothing but hold her close, offering support and security to her. Neither said a word, just stood there, looking down at their sleeping friend.

Finally, Emma spoke. "Does it always hurt him that badly to use his powers?" She shifted to look over at him, her green eyes filled with distress and sympathy, unnerved by the idea.

He hesitated briefly, unsure of how to answer her question. _It's really a question for Jesse, _he thought. _After all, all I know is what he's told me…and that's not much._ He finally decided on a different approach. "Does it hurt you when you use your powers?" he asked quietly.

She frowned slightly in thought. "Sometimes it does, if I'm doing something really difficult. Otherwise, it's just a strain, like a pulled muscle." The frown disappeared, and an impish grin flickered in its place. "You of all people should know that it gives me a terrible headache. If I had a dollar for every time I've come to you for something to ease the pain …"

"Yeah. You use more medicine than the other three combined. With all the headaches you have, I'm surprised that you aren't cross-eyed by now," he laughed, relieved when she laughed right along with him. Then, he turned serious. "Back to Jesse, I'd say it's about the same thing. The only difference is that, as you know, he can't breathe when he's fully phased or massed. That's the main problem, and it makes him unique, because none of the rest of you have any problems when you use your powers." 

Jesse shifted restlessly in his sleep, as if knowing that someone was talking about him. Emma sighed, reaching down to tenderly stroke his face again, pushing back the uncooperative strands of hair that seemed determined to cover his forehead. Her eyes widened in alarm. "Adam, he's shivering. I – I think it's happening again," she said, her voice quivering with fear. 

Letting go of Emma, Adam hurried over to the nearby monitor, his brown eyes swiftly scanning the screen for Jesse's vital signs. He froze when he saw that Jesse's temperature had started to drop. _He was stable just a couple of minutes ago! _His mind protested angrily, hardly believing what he was seeing. _This shouldn't be happening!_ "Emma, his temperature's falling. Can you tell if he's having another nightmare or if this is something else?" He didn't receive an answer, so he turned around, only to find that the telempath had already placed her hand on Jesse's forehead and was attempting to read him. Seeing that she appeared deep in concentration, he assumed that Jesse was indeed having another nightmare.

Unable to stand still while waiting, he moved over to the nearby storage closet and pulled out another blanket, which he quickly covered him with. By now, Jesse was becoming agitated, wrestling weakly with the covers, twisting from side to side, his already white face paling even more. What really tore at his heart, though, were the moans and cries that spilled from his lips, sending shivers up and down his spine. Never had Jesse appeared so helpless, vulnerable – so young. He ached to hold the young man in his arms and try to soothe him, as a father would a sick son, but he knew that it wasn't safe. Jesse could begin to phase or mass unexpectedly at any moment without warning, which could be harmful, even deadly, to those nearby. Emma was taking a big chance maintaining physical contact with the molecular. 

"Shhhh, it's all right, Jesse. It's just a dream. It's okay. Shhhh." He tried to soothe the restless young man, but nothing was helping; Jesse was beyond hearing. The helplessness surged inside of him once again, frustration coming fast on its heals. Clenching his hands in tight, white-knuckled fists, he paced nervously back and forth by the bed at Emma's side, eyes glued on Jesse, poised to pull her away the moment he began to phase, all the while mentally urging her to hurry._ I don't know how much more of this he can take! Come on, Emma, you can do it! But you have to hurry. I don't know how much more time we have!_

Jesse's restless movements abruptly stilled, and, with a muffled sigh of relief beneath the oxygen mask, the molecular relaxed back into the bed, his rapid breathing slowly returning to normal. Out of the corner of his eye, Adam saw Emma sway and grabbed her around the waist, helping her over to a chair. It took a few moments for her to steady herself, and while he waited for her to report what had happened inside Jesse's mind, he moved over to Kilmartin to check his vitals. And to reassure himself that he was all right. _Well, he's sleeping again. His temperature's returning to normal. Whatever that was, it didn't seem as bad as the previous episode, thank God. _He carefully straightened the blankets over the prone form and tucked them securely about him, taking the time to sponge his face with a cold, wet cloth to remove the dampness caused by his exertions. This done, he glanced to his side at the pale young woman, meeting her wearied gaze. "Are you all right, Emma?"

She nodded and then looked away from him, her green eyes settling on Jesse. "It was the same dream, Adam. He was reliving what happened to him at Twin Creeks…but he hadn't progressed as far into the memory as before. He was inside the control room talking to some woman in a white lab coat about passwords. Was that Sophia, the woman that used him?"

This time he nodded. "I'm sure it was."

"Well, that explains the emotions I was getting from him. Confusion, anger, and – and guilt…so much guilt. He was being consumed by it, burning him inside. It was…" She shook her head, unable to find an accurate word to describe the feeling. Suddenly, she froze, then snapped her head towards him. "Did he phase at all when I was inside his mind?"

"No, thank God. I don't think his system could take the strain right now, not so soon after the last time. He was beginning to go into shock, but you got him to settle down in time. But why do you ask?" He stared at her, an idea beginning to form inside his mind.

"I think he's physically reenacting what happens to him in his dream. What happened in his memory, anyways – it's the same thing. He didn't phase during that time in the power plant, so he didn't phase here, right now. Does that make sense?" She cocked her head slightly to one side, looking at him questioningly. 

Adam thought about it for a minute, running what he knew through his mind, checking for the possibilities. Finally, he nodded. "You might be right." He paused, frowning. "But that's never happened to him before, no matter how bad the mission." He walked a few paces away, warring with himself, unsure whether the decision he was about to make was for the best. _But if I don't force him to face what happened, he'll continue to have these attacks, and there is no way that his body could stand that prolonged amount of stress, even if his mind could. We can't keep him under constant observation forever._

Turning around to move back, he stopped, staring at the two people before him. One, mentally wounded and emotionally damaged; the other, one who could feel and read another's emotions. And they both truly cared for each other – the best of friends, if not the beginning of something more. He smiled inside, somehow pleased by that thought. And he couldn't help but wonder if Emma would be quite this upset if Brennan was in Jesse's place. 

Moving to Jesse's side, he spoke softly. "Emma, I'm going to need your help. I'm going to give Jesse something to help him sleep – without any dreams – so he can get some of his strength back. He needs to sleep for a good twelve to fourteen hours straight."

Emma shook her head, a puzzled look crossing her face. "I don't understand how I can help with that."

He smiled briefly. "You can't, not with that. What I need you to do is to talk to him when he wakes up. You know what is going on inside his mind. You can sense what he's feeling. I want you to talk to him, make him confront and accept what happened, to work through his feelings. He's trying to bury them, and it's only making the situation worse."

"But why aren't you – ?" she began.

He cut her off, staring straight into her bewildered eyes. "I'm going to be in the next room, monitoring his vitals. Besides, Jesse doesn't feel comfortable talking to me like you do. He thinks it's a sign of weakness – something that his dad taught him, no doubt," he said, his voice darkened with disgust, and he was forced to mentally push the animosity aside. "I can't do this myself, Emma – it won't work. I know it won't be easy for you to force this out of Jesse, but…he needs you. And so do I. Will you help me?" 

Looking into her expressive, determined face, he knew the answer even before he finished speaking. Mutant X was a family – and they would do anything to help each other, no matter how difficult.


	3. Chapter Three

Nightmares of Power

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: The plot is the only thing that is mine.

Author's Note: The idea for this got into my head and absolutely refused to leave until I exorcised it by writing this chapter. This story is mainly about Jesse, Emma, and Adam, but I could not, in good conscience, completely ignore Shalimar and Brennan. Some of you might disagree with my portrayal of these two characters, but you have to remember that they have both gone through some very trying events, so please don't flame me too badly. They are human, after all (mostly anyways). Oh, yes. This story is growing a little longer than I expected, so there will be at least two more chapters, if not more than that. Once again, I crave reviews so please take a second and let me know how I'm doing or email me at adalanta14@yahoo.com. 

Chapter Three

"Adam?" the voice floated through the corridors of Sanctuary, ricocheting off of the smooth walls and bouncing off the floors, startling him out of a light sleep. He blinked wearily and fought a sigh as the voice called again. "Adam?"

__

Well, he thought miserably, _I knew they'd find out sooner or later, but I had hoped they would both sleep in a little longer this morning. They did have a busy day yesterday. But, then again, not everything goes as expected, does it? _he asked himself wryly. 

Glancing at the two figures only a few feet away, he came to a decision. Jesse was deeply asleep, still heavily medicated to keep his mind from replaying yesterday's events in his sleep. Emma had finally given in to her body's demands and had curled up in the chair next to Jesse's bed. She was a notorious light sleeper, and, even as he watched, she shifted her position restlessly, unconsciously moving her head in the direction that the voice had come from. Adam wasn't sure if it was the voice that was waking her or the person's emotions, but either way, if he didn't leave right now, she would awaken. _And right now, she needs all the sleep that she can get._

Adam stood up and walked quietly out of the medical bay, speaking into his comm-ring as he moved. "Shalimar?"

"Adam," he heard the relief shine through her voice. "Where is everybody? Jesse's not in her room and neither is Emma. You didn't send them on a mission without us, did you?" The audible relief was now tinged with suspicion.

He couldn't keep his mouth from turning up from that one. _I wonder if Brennan's up yet. I'd rather not have to explain this twice. Besides, if Brennan is there, he might be able to calm her down a bit – might. _"Have you seen Brennan this morning?"

"Yeah, he's right here. Why?"

Breathing a small sigh of relief, he answered as nonchalantly as possible, "Great. Can you two meet me in the training room?"

"Sure, Adam." Brennan's voice now came over the link, sounding both puzzled and tired. "Actually, we're already there. Thought we might find someone here."

"I'll be there in a minute." Walking through the corridor, Adam tried to think of the best way to tell the others what had happened to their teammate and friend, but it wasn't as easy as he thought. His brilliant, scientist mind still had not come up with a good explanation by the time he entered the room. 

He hesitated briefly just out of sight before the threshold, suddenly reluctant to face the two mutants and admit his grievous, almost deadly, error. Even though Emma had tried to reassure him that Jesse's condition wasn't his fault and that he couldn't have foreseen it, doubt and self-blame still swirled about him, clinging to his soul like heavy fog to the ground. Finally, he shook his head, took a deep breath, and entered the door, desperately trying to hide his roiling emotions.

As soon as he stepped through the doorway, he knew he had failed. 

The moment Shalimar Fox laid eyes on him, her feral sense had identified his raging emotions, causing her brown eyes to briefly flash yellow, a sure sign that she was upset, and her body to visibly tense. She held her hands clenched at her side, fists white-knuckled with tension. She took three steps towards him and began to fire questions at him, "Adam, what's wrong? Where's Jesse and Emma?"

He held his hands up in front of his chest, palms out as if surrendering to a foe, the motion was meant to calm the young woman. "Shalimar, calm down. Everything's under control." _…I think…_"Sit down, you two."

Shalimar reluctantly sat down but only after Brennan Mulwray gently took her by the arm and lead her over to the couch nearby. Adam could tell she was extremely worried…she didn't even notice that the elemental had physically led her away. Any other day, she would have yanked her arm out of his grip or thrown him to the ground with her superhuman strength and agility. Once they were both settled, Adam took a seat across from them and explained what had happened, although he skimmed over some of the more serious details to lessen the blow. He hoped that would keep both of the young people - especially Shalimar, who was the closest to Jesse - from panicking.

It didn't work.

The instant he had finished, Shal bounded to her feet, ready to bolt for the door and the medical bay beyond. Adam knew how she felt - how they all felt. Her teammate/best friend/brother was hurting, and she needed to go to him, to help and comfort him. But before she had gotten three feet away, he grabbed her wrist, forcing her to pause momentarily. "No, Shal. You can't go to him, not like this."

She whipped her head around to face him, her long blond hair flying wildly between them, her eyes flashing gold, narrowed in rage. "Why…not?" She hissed between her clenched teeth.

With any other feral, Adam might have backed down, but not with this one. He'd known her for too long…she would never attack him, no matter how upset or angry she was. He did, however, feel slightly relieved when Brennan stepped up to her side and put a strong arm around her shoulder to comfort her. Adam spoke firmly, "You'll end up doing more harm than good, Shal. Jesse can't hear you right now - he's completely out. You can't help him, at least, not yet. And Emma just finally dozed off for the first time since this all began. If you go in there right now, emoting like you are, you'll wake her up, and right now, I need her to rest and prepare for what's ahead." He paused for a moment, then reached out and gently touched her upper arm. "I know you want to see him, and you will - but not right now…not till you calm down."

He watched as Shalimar tried to bring herself under control, closing her eyes and taking slow, deep breaths. But as the rage left her, something else happened, as well.

She just…crumpled. 

Only Brennan's quick reflexes and strong arms kept her from collapsing onto the hard floor as her knees went out from under her. Catching her effortlessly, Brennan held her close and quickly sat down on the couch once again, cradling her body.

Too shocked to move, Adam just stood frozen in place, staring at the trembling feral caught close in the elemental's tender embrace. _What happened?_ he asked himself, stunned._ Shal has never - ever - reacted like this before. She's always the strong one, the encourager, the comforter._ As his bewildered mind stumbled through one thought after another, trying to figure out what had happened, he finally got a good, close look at her face and felt his heart begin to beat faster in response to the intense scrutiny.

Shalimar's normally golden skin had faded into a chalky white, her face devoid of any color except for the dark bruising under her eyes - the undeniable evidence of lack of sleep. Her strong body shivered slightly in Brennan's arms, and he whispered soothingly to her, gently stroking her long hair as she shifted within his embrace, pressing her face into his wide chest.

As Brennan held her tightly, he laid his chin down on the top of her head and closed his eyes. Adam's examination moved from Shalimar to Brennan, quickly taking in the young man's similarly pale countenance and the black bruising under his eyes. But where Shalimar looked extremely tired…Brennan looked completely exhausted. His wide, strong hands trembled ever so slightly on Shalimar's back and head. 

__

It's a miracle that he's breathing, not to mention being up and moving about, after being so seriously electrocuted yesterday at the plant. Adam looked down at the floor, once again reliving those horrifying moments when Brennan had completely stopped breathing, his body thrown into shock from the immense force of the electrical current surging uncontrolled through his water soaked body. Emma and Shalimar had had to perform CPR on him to get him to start breathing again. Those few moments had lasted an eternity as he had waited, breathless, motionless, for the verdict of life or death for one of his children.

Suddenly, something clicked in his mind, and everything made sense once more. Shalimar had not collapsed just because of learning about Jesse's serious condition, which would have been enough to send her into a panic on a normal day, but because of the terrifying events that had all taken place within the course of twenty-four hours. First, Jesse had been infected with the nerve gas. Then, she had watched Brennan being electrocuted nearly to death. Finally, she had watched Jesse loose control of his molecular abilities and nearly phase himself into oblivion. _She'd seen two of her closest friends teetering on the brink of death._ _It's no wonder she collapsed,_ he concluded grimly._ I'm surprised this didn't happen last night._

As if hearing Adam's thoughts, Brennan's eyes snapped open, and he stared right at Adam, dark brown eyes black with worry and fear. For a long moment, neither man spoke. Brennan broke the silence by speaking softly, almost inaudibly. "She stayed in my room all last night, watching over me, talking to me…waking me up when my dreams got too…intense. She was so worried about me, Adam…I don't think she slept at all." 

He paused as the subject of his words moved a bit in his arms. "Whenever I woke up, she was there by my side…holding my hand…talking softly." He squeezed his eyes shut, his face drawn, new lines of pain etched into his young features. "I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been there." His eyes flew open, glistening suspiciously. "She'd been through so much herself, Adam, and yet she put aside her own hurts and fears to try to help me." He clenched his jaw and looked away from the older man, unable to face him.

Adam didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. _After all, what can I say? There's nothing I can say or do to make what happened go away. _

He was surprised that Brennan had opened up to him. Both Jesse and Brennan had a habit of keeping matters to themselves and letting them fester like an infected wound until it simply grew too large and then - _pop_! The anger would come flooding out. _After this is all over and Jesse is all right, I think I'd better have a talk with him about everything,_ he decided mentally._ He'll need to talk about it before it will begin to fade…and something like that won't go away over night._

"Adam…how is Jesse really?" Brennan asked after a long period of silence, arms wrapped securely around Shalimar, who had long since grown still, appearing to be asleep.

Adam sighed silently to himself, secretly hoping that the young man would be too concerned with Shal to dig any deeper into Jesse's condition. _I should have known better. Jesse's like a younger brother to Brennan, just like he is to Shal. _"He's stable. I've got him on a medication that will help him get some rest and keep his subconscious from going over yesterday's events. With plenty of sleep, he should be fine." He could have kicked himself when he heard the word 'should' come out of his mouth and held his breath, waiting to see if Brennan would notice. He didn't have long to wait.

"Should?" Brennan frowned. "What do you mean 'should'? What aren't you telling me, Adam? I want the truth. Now. Jesse wasn't just having nightmares, was he? It's more serious than that."

Cursing mentally, he met the elemental's direct gaze and was forced to reconsider his plan. "He went into shock - twice - nearly stopped breathing the first time. If Emma hadn't pulled him out of his nightmare when she did…he wouldn't have survived. Jesse would have phased himself out of existence or he would have died from severe shock."

The young mutant was silent for a moment, staring away from Adam with unseeing eyes, trying to digest the new, disturbing information. Finally, he turned back. "Will he be all right?" he asked.

"He will if Emma can get through to him. He has…emotional issues…that need to be worked out - things that are bothering him so much that he was forced to push them aside to keep functioning. The longer it takes for him to discuss what happened, the harder it'll be for him to face."

"So Emma's going to force her way in." Brennan and Adam started when the soft voice spoke. Shalimar lifted her head wearily from Brennan's chest and turned towards them, an unreadable expression masking her emotions. "Is that right?"

He nodded. "If Jesse doesn't speak to her voluntarily, she's supposed to push her way inside to find out what's wrong. She already has some idea - feelings and images that she picked up both times when she was in his mind - but she doubts that what she got earlier is everything." He shook his head, frustration filling his soul. "She's reluctant to push because it will hurt Jesse both physically and mentally, but she understands that it has to be done if he is to heal. There's no other way. It's too dangerous to keep this heavily sedated for long, and it's impossible to keep him under constant watch. It would cause him even more damage."

"Then it has to be done," Shalimar said in an emotionless voice. She sighed heavily and slowly extricated herself from Brennan's embrace, although she still maintained contact, her right hand holding his left one tightly. The expressionless mask fell away, leaving behind a young woman with sorrow-filled eyes and worry clouding her face. She leaned forward towards Adam and rested her elbows on her knees. "I want to see him, Adam…I need to see him. Please." 

The simple, heartfelt words and pleading expression nearly undid him, but he firmly held his ground. "Not yet, Shal. Give Emma a few more hours, okay? As soon as she wakes up, I'll call for you. But not before then." 

Biting her lower lip, the feral wordlessly agreed and sank back into the couch next to Brennan, allowing him to slip his arm about her shoulders for support.

TBC…


	4. Chapter Four

Nightmares of Power

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: Everything is owned by whoever owns the rights to "Mutant X," except the plot. 

Author's Notes: I didn't intend to make this story into a Jesse/Emma romance, but, well, it happened anyway. Their bond is too important in the next chapter to completely overlook without any sort of beginning, so that's mainly what this chapter is. It also takes a closer look at Jesse and Shalimar's relationship along the way. I've never written anything even remotely romantic, so I'm not sure how well this chapter is going to go over. I'll probably wrap the whole story up in the next chapter or maybe two depending on how long chapter five is. 

Please, please, please (I'm begging down on my knees here, people), leave me a review or email me at adalanta14@yahoo.com. Let me know what you think. PLEASE!!!!!!

Special thanks to aimless for her wonderful review of Chapter Three. Your review meant the world to me! Thanks!

Chapter Four

She could feel them long before she caught sight of them, their preceding emotions so strong that they left her feeling physically sick - stomach churning queasily, hands sweating, head throbbing. And it only grew worse the closer they came. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she doubled over, closing her eyes and resting her head on the left side of Jesse's bed. She mentally shoved the overwhelming emotions away, pushing them back farther and farther until they were out of her mind and then constructing a wall to hold them back. The effort left her briefly weak but relieved. 

They don't understand what it's like - feeling other people's emotions every single day, she thought bitterly. _Adam has no idea what it's like to be a mutant. Jesse and Brennan have to mentally turn on their powers. _She paused to consider Shalimar's mutant powers. _I guess Shal would be the closest to understanding…but it's still not the same. Not even close._

She slowly straightened up, automatically slipping into her professional demeanor, readying herself to face her friends' violent emotions. Only a few seconds later, the remaining members of Mutant X walked through the heavy door, heading her way, a grim expression on each of their faces. _Well, perhaps 'walked' isn't the best description. Adam walks, Brennan strides, and Shalimar prowls. _A small bubble of laughter formed in the middle of her stomach, helping to take her mind off of the increased tension in the air.

Shalimar was the first to reach Jesse, of course, and immediately reached down to take his right hand, her other hand tenderly brushed the blond hair from the young man's pale face. She frowned. "Why does he still feel so cold? I thought he was stable," she demanded, swinging her head up at Emma. 

Emma had just opened her mouth to explain, when she heard Adam speak from behind her and only then realized that the older man was standing a few feet away at one of the stations, checking Jesse's vital signs. 

"He is stable, Shalimar, but his temperature is still a few degrees below normal." Emma saw Shal's mouth open but Adam pressed on before she could utter a word. "It has, however, been steadily rising and should be normal in a few more hours. The medication will keep him asleep for at least four or five more hours - enough time for it to return to normal."

The feral nodded her understanding, but her worried expression did not fade, unassured by the diagnosis. Emma turned away, having to steel herself from the emotions emanating from her teammates. From Adam, she sensed concern and a vague helplessness, but mostly guilt; from Brennan, exhaustion, uneasiness, and, strangely enough, fear; from Shalimar, terror, anxiety, and…emptiness? She gasped at that last emotion, her head jerking up, her eyes wide. 

Brennan heard her gasp and stepped forward, his dark face filled with alarm. "Emma? Are you all right? What is it?" he asked, lightly touching her shoulder. 

She jumped, startled by his touch, and stepped away before she knew it. Raising her eyes to his, he latched onto their familiar dark depths, anything to drive the sense of emptiness out of her mind. It took a full minute for her to regain her voice - a full minute of Brennan standing there, concerned, looking completely lost. Finally, she whispered, "I - it's nothing…really. I'm okay."

The elemental stared at her, clearly not believing her unsteady words. "Was it Jesse? Is he in pain?" He nervously shoved his hands into the pockets of his black jeans. 

She nearly winced as the heavy tide of fear threatened to drown her. _Oh, great! _She mumbled silently once she'd managed to block the tide. _Now, I've made him feel even worse!_ "No. No, it's not Jesse. It's just…I can't…I…" she stopped stammering and shrugged. "There's nothing you or I can do about it. It just…is. Please, let it alone?"

After receiving his reluctant nod, she stepped around him and returned to the medical bed and the silent, pale figure resting upon it. Shalimar had her hand on Jesse's face, stroking it affectionately, whispering soothing words to him, and ignoring the fact that he could not hear her. It was a truly touching scene, quite possibly the most intimate that Emma had ever witnessed between Jesse and Shalimar.

And for one long moment, Emma's heart clenched painfully in her chest - and a tide of jealousy rose up so strongly within her that it blocked all of her senses - all but sight. The agony was so intense that it brought tears to her eyes, casting a wavy, watery glow upon the scene, making it appear as if it were underwater. The pain paralyzed her physically, but her mind still worked. And it was at this moment that she realized the truth that she had been denying and hiding from for so long. 

She loved Jesse. 

And not just the kind of love one feels for a brother, or teammate, or friend. No, it was a deep, overwhelming, passionate love that filled her completely, heart and soul. The love and pain intertwined with each other, wrapping closer and closer until they became one. She loved Jesse…and so did Shalimar. But how? As a brother, best friend, or lover? _I have to know. _The thought came from the depths of her soul._ I have to know._

She shut her eyes, blocking out the agonizing scene before her and opened her mind to Shalimar's, not enough for her friend to know she was there, but just enough to pull aside her mind's curtain and sense her emotions fully. She had done this before, try to read her friend and see what was wrong. In fact, she had done this many times, to many people. It should have been routine…but it wasn't - not this time. This time, it was personal. All her hopes rested on the answers she would find within. The reason for the terrifying emptiness she had sensed just minutes earlier and the depth of Shalimar's love for Jesse. 

Feelings flowed through her mind like ice water, cold and refreshing. She carefully waded through them, seeking the answers to her questions, ones she both dreaded and craved. She searched methodically, but soon began to despair that she would ever uncover what she was looking for. 

And then… it was right there in front of her. 

The emptiness surrounded her, covering her mental eye with darkness - a black, inky void, chillingly cold and empty. She reached out mental tendrils, sending them out in all directions, seeking the cause of such a horrifying emotion. Finally, she found something. _A memory?_…_No. Not so much a memory, just the feelings of a memory_, she decided. _A memory that has been buried so deep that it no longer exists, just the shattered fragments of her emotions remain. _Pain. Fear. Abandonment. Loneliness. Lose. They swirled around her unchecked like a violent whirlwind. Suddenly a part of Shalimar's personality made sense. _This is why Shal is so protective - why she would go through hell to save us. This emptiness - for lack of a better word - is settled so deeply into her mind that she probably never thought about it._

She paused for a second to consider what she had found. From what she had just seen, Shalimar always carried this particular feeling around inside her, but it was only now - when Jesse was in such a serious condition - that it came to the forefront. Emma had always known that Shalimar was closer to Jesse than anyone else. They both had been part of Mutant X before she and Brennan had joined; it was only natural for the two of them to be especially close, to form a special bond. But the question was, how close?

The question pushed her on, forcing her to shrug off the darkness, although she did make a note to discuss her find with Adam confidentially. She never revealed a person's inner feelings unless it was a danger to that person or someone else on the team. And this, she was sure, was a definite danger. Shalimar might not be able to mentally withstand the pain of losing one of them. It was a brutal thought, something she hated to consider, but it was the truth nonetheless. Something would have to be done.

She waded back out into the water, feeling the fast flow tugging on her legs, threatening to take her deeper than she wanted to go. This time, thankfully, she did not have far to go. The strong, deep emotion of love literally pulled her inside. This emotion was completely different - vibrant and alive with bright colors that swirled like ribbons around her, brushing her cheeks, nearly making her laugh with joy. And there, in the middle, surrounded by bright light, she found what she had been searching for. 

Shalimar did love Jesse…but only as a brother and best friend…not as a potential lover. 

She came out of her trance to find Shalimar still gazing sadly down at Jesse's still face, his hand held tightly in feral's own. With a start, Emma realized that her journey had not taken as long as it had seemed; instead of hours, it had been minutes, and probably only a few at that. No one had noticed her absence. With an audible sigh of relief, she sank down into her chair by Jesse's bed, reaching out to grasp the molecular's free hand. 

The young blond woman lifted her head after hearing Emma's sigh, concern for her friend filling her brown eyes. "How are holding up?" she asked softly, running a hand absently through her hair. "You doing okay?"

"I'm fine, just tired."

"You don't look tired, you look exhausted, Emma. How much sleep did you get?"

Emma mentally ticked off the hours. "About five hours, I think." She glanced down at the young man on the bed, feeling her heart constrict at the sight. "I couldn't sleep…not after what happened, especially after the first time. It was so close…" She shuddered just thinking about it, the horrifying images and feelings flashing though her mind. She looked up as a hand pressed lightly on her arm and saw Shal stretching over the bed, trying to comfort her. _Here she is, fighting to keep the terror of her own worst nightmare from overwhelming her, and she can still take the time to look after someone else. _

"I'm so glad that you were there - that you could help him. Adam said - he said that without you, Jesse would have died." Shalimar blinked rapidly to keep the tears that threatened from falling. When she had regained control, she continued. "I'm glad that you're here…that you can help him."

Emma stared straight at Shalimar, outwardly calm, but shaking inside at how her friend would react to her words. "You do understand what I'll probably have to do, don't you? It's not going to be easy - especially not on him. I'm going to deliberately force my way inside his mind, find out what hurts him the most from yesterday, and then throw everything back in his face. It's going to hurt him, Shal. I'm going to hurt him." Her stomach knotting into a writhing ball, she waited for the inevitable onrush of anger and resentment that would explode any minute.

It never came.

"I know, Emma." Shalimar met her gaze, voice suddenly strong and even. "Adam explained what was wrong, and what he asked you to do. You can help him, Em. You're the only one who can. Your powers - "

"Were never meant to hurt him!" She said bitterly. "I've caused him pain all ready, and it hurt me then, but that's nothing compared to what I will do. I'd rather die than hurt him, Shal, but…if I do nothing, then he will die, and I couldn't - couldn't take that. So I'll do what Adam wants, break through his mind's defenses, and force him to face everything that's happened. And for that…he'll never forgive me. I - " She continued on only in her mind. _I will lose the person I love most in the world after I save his life. But there's no other way. _

"No." Brennan's commanding voice broke into her despairing thoughts, surprising her. She'd have jumped, but she was too drained. She had been so deep in thought that she had not noticed him move up beside her; he obviously had been there for a while because he knew exactly what she and Shal had been talking about. "Jesse will understand." The elemental put his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned gratefully into his broad chest. "Don't worry. He'll be all right. And so will you." 


	5. Chapter Five

Nightmares of Power

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: It's all mine! The plot, I mean.

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long to post, but I have two very good reasons. First, as you can see, this chapter is longer than the rest, so it took longer to write. Second, and most importantly, my computer was down for over a week, bring much frustration (and the pains of computer withdrawal) into my life. I am SO glad to be back! 

Like always, please take a minute to leave a review and tell me what you think, or you can email me at adalanta14@yahoo.com. Thanks!

Chapter Five

He floated in a sea of blackness, drifting aimlessly back and forth, unconcerned about what was happening. The warm darkness surrounded him, cradling him gently like a mother tenderly cradles her newborn child, afraid that, if not careful, the helpless babe might break. He was alone, which was vaguely comforting, although he couldn't remember why. Thinking was too difficult, so he soon gave up trying and just…let himself drift with the current. 

How long he drifted, he wasn't sure - time was yet another aspect missing in this black void. After a while, the gentle lapping of the water that had lulled him to sleep began to change, forming small ripples that splashed lightly over his body every now and then, but still, it did not trouble him. The warm darkness was his friend, his protector - a place where he was safe and secure, where nothing could harm him.

But then the ripples changed, morphing into swells that pushed him around, forcing him to pull his body upright as it was no longer safe to lie down on his back. The swells grew larger until finally they formed violent waves that threatened to drown him. The water, which had once seemed warm and inviting, now had a biting chill to it.

"Jesse." The soft voice was distant, so faint it seemed but an echo inside a dark cave, bouncing around from all directions without an origin point. He twisted about in the water, trying to find the one who spoke, but saw nothing but dark air and even darker water. 

The waves grew in intensity, and he struggled to keep his head above the ocean. The water was so frigid that it now caused a physical ache to flow though him, forcing an involuntary groan through his chattering teeth.

"Jesse!" The voice called again, insistent and more commanding, demanding an answer. It was closer now, and he turned frantically in circles, searching for someone to help rescue him.

"Where are you?" he shouted weakly, resurfacing after a large wave had broken right on top of him, pulling him under the freezing liquid. "I can't see you!"

"Yes, you can," the feminine voice replied, now practically in his ears. He could feel her warm breath on his face, even though the icy water had soaked him from head to toe. "All you have to do is open your eyes, Jesse."

"They are open," he mumbled, his frame shivering, right before another wave pushed him roughly deep under the water, tumbling him around until he couldn't tell which way was up. His lungs heaving, he nearly let panic take over his mind. _I can't breathe!_ he screamed mentally, terror closing its clawed fists tightly about him, clenching his chest in a bruising, vice-like grip. As his vision grew red about the edges, he knew he had only a few moments before he would loose consciousness and drown. Desperate, he chose a direction and swam frantically with all his fading strength. Then, he was up, breaking the surface, coughing out a mouthful of water while taking in huge gulps of air to ease the pain in his chest. 

"Jesse, please, open your eyes!" The previously calm tone had changed, the fear in it similar to the fear in Jesse's own racing heart. "You have to trust me!"

"I can't s-see you," he whispered, arms and legs growing heavy and numb from the bitter cold. "H-how do I k-know you a-are re-real?" 

"Search your heart," she breathed into his left ear, as two warm arms slid around his shivering body, pulling him up out of the icy water. Startled, he stiffened in shock, and, to his utter disbelief, his eyes flew open.

And suddenly, he was no longer in the freezing ocean, surrounded by darkness. He was lying on a bed, slightly elevated by the arms that held him close. Not quite awake, he fought the person holding him, only faintly hearing the familiar voice trying to calm him, but he refused to listen. After a brief struggle, he finally broke free of the embrace and dragged himself upright on the bed. 

It was a mistake. 

Pain flooded his body, cramping his muscles and pinching every single nerve he had, creating a fire that engulfed him, and he couldn't hold back the tortured scream that rose up within him. Arching his back, he collapsed back onto the bed, closing his eyes and grasping the covers tightly with two white-knuckled fists. And then, as suddenly as the fire had flared to life, it vanished, leaving him shaking with aftershocks, utterly exhausted.

He laid there for a few minutes, letting his pounding heart and his rapid breathing slow, fighting to regain his composure. All the while, his mind bounced from thought to thought randomly, like a pinball at full speed. _What's going on? he thought, thoroughly confused. _One minute, I'm in the middle of the ocean, and the next, I'm…here in bed. Wait a minute… _ _

His eyes fluttered open. At first, everything was blurry and nondescript. A figure was leaning over him, and he shrank back in fear, his weakened body inching away on the mattress, but not far or fast enough for him to escape.

"Jesse?" A hand reached out to touch his face, and he flinched again. "Jesse, it's okay. It's me - Emma."

_Emma? _He blinked several times, and the mist that clouded his eyes dissipated, allowing him to finally focus. "What…?" he rasped, throat as dry as sand. 

She stepped from his side and returned with a glass of water, then carefully lifted his head and helped him to drink. He nearly balked, embarrassed at being treated like an invalid, but his tremendous thirst won out, and he gulped greedily at the cool, refreshing liquid. "Not too fast," she cautioned, pulling the glass back a bit. "You haven't had anything to drink for a while. Go slowly, or you'll make yourself sick."

He grimaced but followed her instructions, albeit reluctantly, all the while eyeing her, examining her face. Noting the pallor of her skin and the dark circles under her eyes, he found himself wondering what could be so important as to keep her from sleep. _She looks exhausted, _he decided, _like she hasn't slept in days._ His heart ached for her. _She tries so hard to act tough like Shalimar and Brennan, but I can always tell when something's bothering her. It's…different somehow. _His musings were interrupted when she glanced up and met his gaze. 

"Do you want any more?" she asked softly.

He realized belatedly that his glass was empty. "No, that's enough." He stared at her and then asked the first question that came into his mind. "Emma? What are you doing in my room?" 

She frowned slightly, clearly stunned by his words and then shook her head. "Jesse, we're not in your room. Do you know where you are?"

He turned his head to the side to examine his surroundings and was surprised to find himself in the medical bay in Sanctuary. Now, he frowned. "Med bay? But…what am I doing here?"  

"What's the last thing you remember?" 

"Sleeping," he replied after a few seconds. "I was sleeping in my room." Suddenly, an image flashed through his mind, too quickly for him to identify. "No, wait a minute…" He concentrated harder, narrowing his eyes as he dug further into his memory to recall the mysterious image. "I - I…" 

The memory snapped back into place, a black and white snapshot of himself lying on his back on the cold, unforgiving floor of the power plant, arms clenched about his middle, entirely phased. "The power plant," he said faintly. "I was in the power plant…on the ground…" He opened his eyes and rolled his head back over to face his partner and friend. "I don't understand. I - I thought I was in my room." He swallowed thickly. "Did we just get back?" He breathed a sigh of relief when Emma shook her head at his question.

"No. We've been back for nearly twenty-four hours." The telempath studied him intently as she spoke, an unreadable expression on her face. "You're right. You were sleeping in bed last night…at least, for a while."

"What do you mean?" Jesse's stomach began to churn nervously, creating a surge of nausea to roll through him as he waited anxiously for her to respond. The moment the words escaped his mouth, he wished he could take them back, but it was too late. He was going to get his answer, no matter how much he dreaded it.

***************************

Like salt upon an open wound, the words fell from her lips straight into Jesse's lacerated heart, burning fiercely into his mind, causing more damage to his already fragile condition. His emotions were so strong that she nearly bolted for the door, overwhelmed by the flood that he projected, but, despite the sick feeling that rose up within her, she held her ground firmly, strengthening her mental shields to block out his suffering. Adam had said the situation needed to be dealt with right away, while Jesse was still vulnerable. _And trapped, she admitted guiltily to herself, pausing briefly in her explanation, before resuming with a heavy sigh._

Ever since she'd agreed with Adam to do this, she'd hoped that Jesse would open up to her voluntarily, that her words would break through his self-imposed isolation and bring about his much needed emotional release. He'd tell her everything that happened, and she would be there to comfort and console him, a friend (she winced at that term) to hold him and keep him safe. That was what she wanted - to be the comforter, not the tormentor. 

But her fervent wishes did not come true. 

If anything, he closed up even more. She swore she could hear his mental door slamming shut with an eerie finality, the chinking of chains and the rattling of bolts being thrown and locked following immediately thereafter. His face hardened into stone, emotionless and unforgiving, while his eyes darkened into a storm tossed grey-blue, brimming with emotions that roiled right beneath the surface.

When she finished speaking, he just sat there, silent and still, staring straight up at the ceiling. She waited a few minutes for her friend to collect his thoughts and to say something, but as the silence grew, so did her concern. Finally, her patience ran out, and she gave in to the strong feeling of unease that had developed within her chest. "Jesse?"

There was no reply. He didn't even blink.

"Jesse. Look at me," she ordered. When that didn't work, she stepped up to his side and placed a hand on his cheek, pressing slightly to move his head towards her, forcing him to face her. Amazingly, he didn't struggle or pull away, but when she finally succeeded in turning him towards her and looked into his face, she met two blue pools of rage that sent a shiver through her entire body and made her breath catch.

"Leave. Me. Alone." He said in an icy voice.  

"You can't ignore this, Jess. It's too big for you to push away." She replied firmly, refusing to listen to him. "You need to face what happened…and talk about it."

"And how is talking going to help me?" he asked sharply, turning his gaze back to the ceiling, his expression a strange mixture of both anger and defeat that tore at her heart.

"It helps, Jesse, I promise." She spoke softly and soothingly to the worn out young man. "Why would I lie to you? Please…let me help you." She watched his expressive face, the internal war he was fighting blatantly obvious even without using her powers. Emotions flickered over his face so quickly that she could only identify a few of them: anger, fear, and guilt.

Finally, he broke the silence by turning his head to the left to face her once more. "Fine. You want me to talk – I'll talk. But I don't think it's going to help anything."

She shrugged, slightly relieved. "You never know. Now…tell me how you feel." 

"Tired, like the life has been sucked out of me."

"Jesse." She raised her eyebrows at him, giving him a no-nonsense look. "That's not what I meant, and you know it." She sighed heavily, feeling like a dentist pulling out a mouthful of stubborn teeth. "When you think back to the power plant, what emotions come to mind?"

"Anger." He replied after a brief hesitation. "Fear."

"Okay, let's talk about your anger. Who are you angry at and why?" She eyed him carefully, waiting for his verbal response, but, more importantly, watching to see how he would physically react. She didn't have long to wait.

"Who do you think?!" he burst out loudly, clenching both fists. "Gaumont! Sophia! Every one of those paramilitary bastards! They used me!" He pounded the bed once in frustration, wanting, needing to lash out physically at something. "He knew, Emma. Gaumont knew exactly what I could do, who I worked with…He even knew I would react to Sophia the way I did. He knew everything. How? How could he know that?!" 

"And that frightens you, doesn't it?" 

"You're damn right, it frightens me!" He shivered convulsively and clutched the blankets closer to his heaving chest. "If he knows, Emma, then who else does? How can I live with the constant fear that I'm walking into another trap? That I could cause the death of my closest friends? That – " he swallowed and shivered again. "That I could loose control of my powers like I did yesterday. I can't live like that, Emma. It's too hard. I can't take it." His voice had lowered as he'd spoken, starting out in a near shout and ending just barely above a whisper. 

Emma wanted more than anything just to gather him in her arms and tell him that everything would be all right and that nothing would ever happen to him again. _But I can't. I promised I wouldn't lie to him. She was quiet for a minute, trying to come up with the words he so desperately needed to hear. _Okay, Emma. Just handle one part at a time._ "The first thing you have to understand about yesterday is that it wasn't your fault." Her heart lurched as he looked away in shame. "No, Jesse, listen to me. Look at me." She waited for him to turn back before continuing. "The nerve gas you ran into at that facility made you loose control. You couldn't stop it. It was beyond your control. I know that it's hard to believe right now, but I swear it's true."_

She bit her lower lip, debating quietly whether or not she should go on. _He needs to hear it sometime – might as well be now._ "And as for loosing control of your powers – don't you think we all worry about that? Brennan, Shal, you, me – we all have to face that reality. It's a part of who we are, we can't change that. And you know what? I wouldn't want to. Because it's that concern – that fear – that makes us different from all of the other mutants out there running around. That common fear makes us who we are."

"I don't know how Gaumont came up with his information. If you want, I'm sure Adam would be more than willing to check it out and see what he can find." She reached over and lightly touched his hand, letting him know that she was there. "It's terrifying to think that someone has access to that kind of private information. And I can't guarantee that something like this won't happen again. All I can tell you is to trust your instincts and stay alert. And trust us, Jesse. We're not only your teammates – we're your family. We'll do everything we can to help you. You're not alone in this."

Finished for the moment, Emma stepped away from the bed, and, wanting to give him a little time to digest everything she'd said, she headed over to the computer situated against the wall about ten feet away. Once there, she sank into the comfortable leather chair and let herself momentarily relax. After several minutes of silence, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and opened her mind to Jesse's to assess his current emotional state. As much as she loved him and wanted to believe every single word that came from his mouth, she had a feeling that this confrontation, such as it was, was not over. 

She touched the outer walls of his mind with the gentle caress of a new lover – softly and hesitantly, being extremely careful not to alarm him. She didn't want to enter his mind, she just wanted to read his surface emotions to see if her words had helped him. The intense anger and fear that she had sensed hours earlier in his nightmare and had seen in his face only a few minutes ago had faded somewhat, but, as she suspected, they had not disappeared. The two emotions were coiled tightly around his mind like a makeshift barrier, coloring all of his thoughts and feelings. That in itself was cause for concern, but what worried her the most was the ominous, black cloud of guilt, roiling actively just beneath the surface, hidden in part by his anger and fear. 

_He's still hiding something from me,_ she sighed, standing up slowly and stretching her weary body. _And whatever that is, is the key to his emotional meltdown. If I can just get him to talk to me, to admit what's wrong…_She left the thought unfinished and moved on. _I'll give him one more chance to talk this out, but that's all. Adam's right. I need to do this while he's still weak and unable to fight back._ __

"So," she said, coming back to stand by her patient. "Are you feeling any better?" 

"A little," he replied without looking at her. He played absently with the end of one of his blankets, his fingers worrying the white material. If she hadn't sensed that something was wrong before, his current behavior would have been a dead giveaway.

"Jesse? Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

He shook his head slightly from side to side. "No. I'm fine." 

"Are you?" she prodded. "Is that really all that's bothering you?"

"Why? Isn't that enough?"

"There's something you're not telling me. I can feel it, Jesse – the guilt – "

"Are you reading me?!" he interrupted, growing agitated. 

"Yes. No." She stammered, too flustered to answer correctly. "It's not what you think. I'm not – "

"Stay out of my head, Emma! You have no right to interfere – " 

"I'm your friend, Jesse! I can tell you're hurting, that something isn't right. Please, give me a chance! I can help you get through this – " 

"Get through what?!" he errupted, his voice seething with anger, his prone body visibly tensing beneath the blankets that covered him, like a cornered animal about to strike.

"Don't lie to yourself, Jesse Kilmartin, and don't you DARE try to lie to me!" she said heatedly, meeting his glare. She sighed in frustration and forced herself to control her temper. "Listen…I just want to help you. You…you scared me, Jesse. Seeing you like that, in so much pain…it hurt. We almost lost you. I don't want that to ever happen again, and if I can do anything to prevent it, then I will. Please, Jess. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." 

She reached out to hold his left hand in her own, but he jerked it away, turning on her with a vengeance, his body literally shaking with rage. "Nothing's wrong!" he shouted in a raw voice. "I'm fine!"  

Staring into his wild, fury-filled eyes, Emma stumbled back a few steps, fear coursing through her veins. For the very first time, she was afraid of Jesse and his abilities. 

"Look at yourself!" she screamed back, pointing down at his massed fists, the glowing red and black marbled pattern standing out starkly against the thick, white blanket. "You're not fine! Look at what this is doing to you, Jesse! Whatever happened to you last night isn't over. It's going to happen again if you don't face it, and this time, I might not be able to save you!"

He twisted over on the bed, placing his back between them, the ultimate defensive gesture. "Get out of here, Emma! Leave me alone!" 

She could tell by his unsteady words that he was trying to regain control of both his emotions and his powers, and she felt some of the fear within her fade…but not her anger. "I won't let you kill yourself because you're too stubborn to listen!" She stalked around the bed to face him, and, swallowing hard, she spoke in a clear unmistakable voice. "Jesse…if you don't tell me what's wrong, I'll find out myself."

His blue eyes widened with fear at her implication but that fear morphed into a smoldering fury only a few seconds later. "You – you wouldn't dare…" he stammered, his expression one of disbelief. "If Adam found out – "

"Adam," she broke in coldly, "is the one who told me to do it." Despite her unfeeling tone, she shivered inside, pleading mentally with him. _Please, Jesse! Don't make me do this. Don't push me into that corner. It'll only make this harder._

His face paled even more, becoming a sickly off-white, his eyes darting frantically about the large room, searching for the one person who could save him. "Adam?!" he called out, his voice shaking. "Adam, I know you're there! Don't let her do this! Please! You promised we'd never use our powers against each other!"

Emma focused on Adam while trying to ignore her partner's heart-wrenching pleas. She reached out a tendril of thought to see if he had been swayed by Jesse's words and changed his mind, part of her hoping beyond hope that he had, aching to spare Jesse this trauma. If he had, then for once, she could help him.

But it was not to be.

When she brushed up against Adam, she felt his guilt, his pain, his fear…and his determination. She could almost hear him urging her on, encouraging her in her task. She had to go through with this. If she wanted Jesse to survive, she had to do it.

She bowed her head momentarily in defeat, finally accepting the inevitable, no matter how enormous the cost to her heart. Glancing up, she saw the utter terror on the molecular's face. "Adam, don't do this to me! Please, god, no!" he shrieked, when she stepped towards him.

Her heart nearly broke as he made one last desperate bid for freedom, struggling in vain to pull his weakened body off the bed. He succeeded in moving his right leg a few inches closer to the edge, but that was all he could manage. He screamed out his frustration as the last bit of adrenaline vanished from his system, leaving him lying there at her mercy.

She'd never heard such a sound. It was the cry of an exhausted, wounded animal, hopelessly surrounded, about to be devoured by his ruthless attackers. It was the cry of ultimate betrayal from a trusted friend. Of promises shattered into a million pieces. 

Of hope lost forever.

The piercing cry would forever echo in her mind, haunting her in the midnight hours, setting her teeth on edge and her spine tingling. It seemed to go on forever, until he collapsed, slumping over onto his back, body damp with sweat from his fight, his blond hair clinging wetly to his temples and forehead. 

"Emma," he whispered weakly, begging with wide, terrified eyes. "Please, don't…please."

"I'm sorry, Jesse," she whispered back, adding mentally, _You'll never know how sorry I truly am. Stepping up to his side, she grasped his head firmly in both of hers to keep it still and then concentrated intently, all her willpower bent on forcing her way into his mind.  _

TBC………


	6. Chapter Six

Nightmares of Power

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: You know the drill. All characters belong to whoever owns the rights to "Mutant X." The plot, however, is all mine. 

Author's Note: Yes! Another chapter finished! Only one more to go. Hang in there, I'm almost done. Also, I'd like to thank all my reviewers for their wonderful comments and encouragement. Every time I got frustrated, I would look at my reviews, take a deep breath, and step back into the ring to wrestle with my plot. I couldn't have finished this chapter without your help! Thanks!

Please, take a second and leave me a review! This chapter was quite difficult to write, and I really, really want to hear what you thought about it! I crave feedback – in any form – so you can write a review or send me a note at adalanta14@yahoo.com. PLEASE!!!!!!

Chapter Six

The desperate, terrified scream penetrated the observation room wall with only a second of delay, cutting through glass and cement like a hot knife through butter, and then through flesh and bone – straight into Adam Kane's heart. 

He stared through the glass, mesmerized, as Jesse collapsed back onto the bed, exhausted and helpless, and Emma moved closer. He couldn't hear the words the young man spoke, but knew instinctively what they would be, and it nearly broke his determination…and his heart. The haunted, cornered look on his pale face and wide eyes left no room for doubt – he was begging and pleading with Emma to stop.

"Adam!" Brennan's voice came over the Commlink, filled with worry and an urgency that he didn't even attempt to hide. "What the hell is going on? Please tell me that wasn't Jesse!"

Adam opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Brennan, his words slightly muffled. "Shal, wait a second. You can't just – " A sharp voice snapped back something he couldn't make out. "No, Shal! Stop! Think about what you're doing! If you – NO!" It sounded like a war had broken out from all of the noises coming over the comm system: hard thuds, objects being overturned and/or thrown, the distinct sound of fist meeting flesh. The sharp cry of pain echoed loudly through the room, followed closely by a hard _thump_ and a low moan. Adam winced in sympathy.

Silence reigned for a few seconds, only to be replaced with harsh breathing and a gasping voice. "I couldn't…stop her, Adam. She…that scream…brought out…her feral side with…a…vengeance. Better watch it…sure she's comin'…your way."

"Thanks for the warning, Brennan." Another moan filtered through the air, and he couldn't help but ask if the elemental was all right. The answer was not very reassuring.

"I'll live," he groaned weakly. "I think."

"Do you need help?" he asked, concerned by the lack on energy in the young man's voice. _I think Shalimar might have done more damage than she meant to, _he thought grimly. _And if that's true…_

Brennan interrupted his train of thought. "No, but you do. Do you think you can…keep her busy for a few minutes…at least until I can get there?"

"Yes. Brennan," he added, "If you're hurt, stay put. Don't push yourself."

"Don't worry," Mulwray replied and then joked feebly. "She already has."

Nodding, Adam broke the connection and allowed a small smirk to show, amused at the young man's wry wit and tenacity. The smile vanished, though, when he realized that he had little time to prepare for Shalimar's imminent "arrival." Exiting the observation room, he came out just a few feet to the left of Med Bay's thick, metal doors and covered the remaining few feet in seconds. Reaching up, he keyed in a seven-digit code that completely locked down the medical bay, denying all access to and from the room until the proper release code was keyed in – a code that only he knew. Sighing, he considered the security system before him. _I installed this system to keep dangerous Mutants contained – not keep my own people out!_ he thought, angry with himself for allowing the situation to get so far out of hand. _This is all my fault!_

Hearing a faint sound, he glanced up just in time to see Shalimar Fox hurtling around the corner, running at top speed towards Med Bay, her long blond hair streaming behind her. Ignoring him completely, she punched the access panel, her face filled with fear, her wide brown eyes panicked. Nothing happened. She pounded it again, harder this time and with a low growl of frustration. Still, the doors did not open. 

Adam stood perfectly still a mere three feet away, waiting to see what her reaction would be, what she would say. Finally, understanding dawned in her eyes, and she whipped her head around, blond hair snapping loudly from the speed of her turn. She glared at him, her eyes flashing a dangerous shade of gold, her slim, athletic build quivering. "What did you do?" she snarled menacingly through clenched teeth.

"I can't let you in, Shalimar. You know that. You'll only make things worse than – "

"No!" she screamed, pounding the metal doors this time with all the strength that she possessed, but it didn't work. The doors remained closed. "JESSE!" The feral went wild, punching and kicking the metal barrier that separated her from her objective, her violent, frantic movements a flurry of action. In desperation, she took a few steps back and then ran forward to slam her entire body against the door, a harsh grunt wrenched from her by the force of the collision, but she did not stop. She repeated it a second time and then a third, to no avail. After the fourth time, she spun on him, eyes blazing with fury.

Adam took a few steps back and tried to remain calm, which was difficult, considering that he was now looking straight into the face of a wild animal in human form. She'd never looked at him like that before, like he was the enemy. _I guess in this case, I am,_ he thought, swallowing hard, trying to think of a way to stall for more time. _Okay, Brennan. Now would be a good time to get here._

"Let. Me. In." she panted, taking a couple steps closer, and clenching her fists.

"Shalimar…"

"NOW!"

"Why should I? Why do you want in there?"

She blinked, so stunned by the obvious answer to his question that some of the overwhelming anger seemed to drain from her taut body. "Why?! She's hurting him, Adam! Didn't you hear him?! God! He's scared, and he's hurting. Someone needs to help him!"

"Some is helping him – Emma." He ruthlessly pushed on, before she could stop him. "Yes, he is in pain, but remember, Shalimar? Emma told you that this would hurt him. I've been watching them the whole time, monitoring the situation to ensure their safety – both Emma's and Jesse's. He opened up to her to a point, but he's still hiding whatever it is that caused this whole mess. If we don't find out what that is, he won't survive. Emma has to do this. And you know it."

"I should be in there!" she half-snarled, taking a couple of steps to the left towards the metal doors separating her from Jesse. "He needs me, Adam!"

"No, Shal," Brennan's calm, deep voice came out of nowhere. He placed a hand on his friend's rigid shoulder and squeezed slightly. "Jesse needs Emma right now. She's the only one who can really help him." He shot Adam a quick glance. "I'm sure you can go in just as soon as Emma's done. Right, Adam?"

"Of course. In the meantime, you both can join me in the observation room, if you want. You do want to see Jesse, don't you?" _Thanks, Brennan. I owe you one,_ he added mentally, holding his breath and waiting for the young woman's response.

She wavered visibly, looking at the doors, at Adam, and then back to the doors. Adam could see that she was torn between following her heart or her mind, a difficult situation made worse by the fact that ferals were naturally more emotional. "Fine," she snapped and stalked to the nearby door, smacking the panel hard to open it, her slumped posture radiating frustration and concern.

Adam looked over at Brennan, taking in his bloody lip and bruised face with a single, knowing glance. Brennan looked…disheveled, something that rarely happened, even after an all-out fight with the GSA or New Mutants. And the way he kept his left arm cradled close to his body was too suspicious to ignore. _He's hurt worse than he wants me to know,_ he thought, then shook his head. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just great," he muttered, moving towards the doorway of the observation room. He only got four feet before his tall frame began to sway. Adam quickly grabbed him, easing him down to Sanctuary's floor. Brennan struggled and feebly pushed him away, protesting the whole time. "I'm fine, Adam. Okay? Leave me alone."

"Yeah, right. Stay still for a minute…stop it, Brennan," he ordered when the elemental tried to sit up, gently restraining him. He didn't want to accidentally cause him more pain. "Now, where are you hurt?"

"Besides my pride?" Brennan grinned and then winced when the motion pulled at his bloody lip. His sigh of annoyance morphed into a moan of pain as he clutched his side in pain. "God! It feels like she broke some of my ribs!"

Adam carefully reached out and felt Brennan's left side, fingers cautiously probing, ignoring the hiss of pain his touch brought. "Did she punch you or kick you?" he asked. _If it was a punch, he's probably just badly bruised, but if it was a kick, he might have some cracked ribs. _

"She kicked me and slammed me into the wall. My head doesn't feel so good either – Owww!" he howled, just as Adam felt a rib give slightly beneath the firm pressure of his hand.

"You definitely have one broken rib, if not more. You should've stayed where you were," he added in a low voice. In a way, he was proud of Brennan's self-sacrificing behavior and his thoughtless courage. The trip between Shal's room and Med Bay must have been excruciating, and he was positive that the injured mutant had not walked the long way between. But on the other hand, he was frustrated with him and his penchant for downplaying his own injuries – a dangerous, if not deadly, trait. It was one thing to be tough, and another to be stupid. And this was stupid. "What were you thinking?" he demanded, leaning over the prone man and grabbing his left arm in his hands, anger seeping into his voice. 

"I was worried," Mulwray replied, grimacing in pain as Adam touched the sprained wrist he'd been attempting to hide. "She was so worried, so upset…I didn't know what she would do."

Images of Shalimar's blind fury and the blows that she had rained upon the offending doors flashed through his mind, bringing with them the disturbing thought of what might have been if HE had been the target of her rage and not an inanimate object. His anger cooled somewhat. "I appreciate your concern, Brennan, I really do. But you need to be more careful. I would have figured out something if she'd been out of control." _I think._ "Well, you've got a sprained wrist, too. You didn't make out so well this time."

"I didn't want to hurt her, Adam," he said softly, averting his dark, soulful eyes. "She didn't know what she was doing. When we heard that scream…she knew right away that it was Jesse…you should have seen the look on her face. She was terrified." He swallowed. "I don't ever want to see that look again. Never."

The older man was quiet for a few seconds. "How's your head? You said it hurt."

"No, I said it didn't feel good, not that it hurt." 

Adam smiled at the sarcasm in Brennan's voice but refused to be distracted from his examination. "Are you seeing double? Any blurred vision?"

"No and no."

"Any dizziness?"

Silence. _Ah ha! _He thought in triumph, watching with amusement as Mulwray literally squirmed on the floor. _He doesn't want to lie to me, but he doesn't want to admit it either. This ought to be interesting._ He sat back on his heels, wordlessly watching and waiting. 

Finally, the elemental turned his head towards Adam, clearly miserable with the situation, and spoke in a barely audible voice. "A little."

Nodding, he asked, "Can you walk? I'd like to take you to your room – "

"No!" Brennan broke in before he could finish. "I want to stay here…just to make sure everything's okay."

"You'd be more comfortable in bed, Brennan." He stared at the set face of the stubborn young man, knowing that the only way to get him to his own room would be to drug him and carry him there himself. _Well, that isn't going to happen. First of all, all the drugs are in Med Bay, so I can't get to them. Second, I don't think I could carry him by myself. And I know Shalimar wouldn't help – I don't think I could pry her away from the observation window with a crowbar._ "Fine," he sighed. "Can you make it into the room?" he asked, nodding towards the open doorway.

"Sure. There's nothing wrong with my legs."

After slowly and carefully helping Brennan to his feet, he led the swaying mutant inside the observation room and directly into the nearest chair. Shalimar was sitting in a backwards-facing chair, head resting on her arms that were crossed on the chair's back, but she raised her head warily at their approach. Adam glancing briefly at her and saw her brown eyes flicker with either remorse or guilt. He couldn't say for certain which one it was. 

Once Brennan was settled, Adam stepped closer to the window and looked into Med Bay. Emma and Jesse were in the exact same position as when he'd left: Jesse lying on the bed with Emma holding his head with both hands. Shifting over a few feet, he checked the monitor displaying Jesse's vital signs. _Hmmm. Heart beat and respiration high. Blood pressure's high, too. _He didn't know what was happening inside Jesse's mind, but he hoped it wouldn't last much longer. Jesse's body might have stabilized but he was still weak from the strain he'd endured. He couldn't take those kinds of readings for long.

********************************

Emma blasted through Jesse's paper-thin outer walls within seconds, delving deeper and deeper into his mind, ready to search for the dangerous and damaging thoughts still hidden within. 

This was totally different from what she'd experienced several hours before with Shalimar. Shal's thoughts had been a strong, steady stream when she had read her, but the feral had been relatively calm, other than being fiercely worried for her best friend's condition. This…there was no comparison. Where Shal's thoughts were a stream, Jess's thoughts were a hurricane, complete with large, tumultuous swells, pounding rain, and violent, frigid winds. He was still fighting her, fighting to keep her confused, to force her to give up and leave empty-handed. 

__

Oh, Jesse. What can be so hideous, so unforgivable, that you'd fight so hard to keep it hidden from me? she thought, treading water to remain afloat as the huge waves crashed all about her with crushing force. At the same time, she sent out her tendrils in every direction, out into the dark storm that was Jesse's mind.

Images assaulted her as she went further inside, some flickering by so quickly that they were but a blur of motion; others floating past so slowly she practically lived them.

Jesse, only seven or eight, alone in a large garden, hiding from the guests at one of his mother's elegant dinner parties, nervous being around so many people.

Jesse, watching the baseball bounce back from the door where he'd tossed it, staring in horror as it sailed through his hand and crashed into a large, crystal vase behind him, shattering the exquisite piece into oblivion. The face of his mother, cold and furious, glaring at him for what he'd done, and then that steely complexion changing to fear and – and shame – at what he was…a freak. 

Jesse, now an adult and a member of Mutant X, frozen in place as his father requested the data disk he'd asked for, shredding his heart to ribbons.

Tears ran down her face as she watched the brutal, agonizing moments unfold before her very eyes.

But there were happy moments as well. 

__

A young Jesse, alone and afraid, being introduced for the first time to a young Shalimar and feeling his troubled heart lift at the sight of her sunny smile. 

Jesse, a little older, grinning madly at something Shal said, as they snuck out of Sanctuary late at night without Adam's permission.

Jesse, returning after his first mission, confident, blond head held proudly, Shalimar by his side. 

The various memories gave an intimate insight into the man that she loved, one that she had not realized before now. _So many of these memories revolve around Shal, _Emma thought. _They're closer than anyone I've ever seen, their lives intertwined completely._ But instead of the raging jealously she'd felt earlier that day, she felt relief and joy, thankful that the young man had found such a wonderful friend to help him.

Suddenly, she noticed that the number of waves had increased drastically, and the wind was howling furiously, worse than before. She redoubled her efforts, pushing herself harder than ever, knowing instinctively that she was almost there. The waves battered her, dumping water on her, in her eyes, down her nose and throat, but she refused to back down.

And then she was there, pulling her soaked body up onto the tiny island, examining the fortress that Jesse had built to keep his secret safe. Thick, solid, cement walls barred her from getting in, and she couldn't help but nod her approval at his choice. _Brick walls are stronger but more vulnerable. The mortar between the bricks can be chipped away until there's a hole. _She paused to stare at the structure before her, searching for any obvious flaw in the workmanship. Her reluctant respect and admiration for him increased with every passing second. _I never would have dreamed he'd be this good, _she admitted. Finally, her sharp eyes spied a tiny hole at the base of the wall off to her right.

She took a deep breath and call out into the raging winds. "This is your last chance, Jesse! Either you let me in now or I'll brake through on my own!" The only reply she received was the angry howling of the wind, trying its best to blow her off the island.

__

All right. You want to play hard to get, then I'll play along. She concentrated, staring intently at the hole in the wall, and then sent out her mental tendrils, now morphed into the shape of razor sharp claws. The claws attacked the weak point in Jesse's barrier, picking, scraping, and tearing away little pieces of cement, sending the tiny flakes spiraling down. Without warning, the ground below her feet shook violently, and the wind screamed like a wounded animal. The abrupt motion sent her to her knees.

***************************

Everyone in the observation room jumped at the sudden alarm that went off from the computer monitoring Jesse's vitals. Adam bolted out of his chair and was at the computer in seconds, searching the screen to find out the problem. It took only a second. Jesse's heart rate and blood pressure had skyrocketed, while his respiration had dropped drastically. All three vitals now stood at dangerous levels and were flashing in red on the screen.

"Adam!" Shalimar cried out in horror, both hands pressed on the thick glass separating the two rooms.

Adam looked up and at the window just in time to see Jesse arch his back completely off the bed, mouth wide open in agony, as if he'd been frozen while trying to scream. The young mutant dropped back down a few seconds later, but did not have time to relax before strong tremors engulfed his body, leaving him visibly shaking.

"Adam, what's going on?!" Brennan pulled his battered body out of his chair and half-dragged himself over to the window to get a better view. 

He ignored the question as turned back to the computer and his mind flew quickly through the facts. _High heart rate but low respiration – it's not shock, the symptoms aren't right. Some form of seizure? No, can't be that. What is it?!_ He ran through the variables, the medicines, everything he could think of, but he could not come up with a logical medical reason for what was happening.

Then it hit him. _Emma. This is Emma. She's inside his mind, and he's still fighting her. He's so focused on keeping her out that he's pulling away the energy his body needs to function properly in order to block her. If that's true, then there's nothing I can do to stop this reaction short of physically pulling her away from his body. And I won't do that unless I have no other choice._ He raised his eyes from the screen, gazing in at the red-haired telempath, mentally urging her to hurry.

***************************

Emma knelt on the hard ground of the island, fingers grasping for purchase as the earth beneath her trembled like a palsied hand. _I'm running out of time, _she realized, as lightning flashed above her, followed closely thereafter by a deafening clap of thunder. The rain poured down out of the dark sky, trying to pound her into the ground, each drop painfully hard and heavy.

__

I'm not going to fail! she screamed to herself. Lifting her head, she focused all her energy into the tendrils chipping away at the weakened section of the wall. The hole was increasing in size and depth, but not fast enough. She needed something more. Herself. Her own hands.

She rose shakily to her feet, shoulders stooped from the crushing blows of the raindrops, and stumbled towards the wall, leaning into the driving wind. Each step was a conscious effort and seemed agonizingly slow as she made her way across the heaving ground. Six more feet…five…four…three…….two………….one………………

And then, she was at the wall and dropped once again to her knees. Taking a deep breath, she plunged her hands into the hole and began to tear away chunks of the wall, shoving aside the pain as the sharp, jagged cement cut into her tender hands. She pulled out handful after handful of debris, each one tinged with more red than the one before, the blood coating her fingers making her hands wet and slick. _I'm almost there, _she kept repeating to herself. _Almost there, almost there, almost – _

**************************

Adam jerked his head up as an unholy, tortured scream pierced the air, sending an icy chill down his spine and making his stomach threaten to loose its meager contents. Jesse was convulsing, his arms and legs flailing in every direction, his eyes rolled back into his head that was still held in Emma's vice-like grip. _That's it! This has to stop NOW!_

He raced towards the door and out into the hallway, barely noticing that Shalimar was only a step behind him. He keyed in the release code with a shaking hand, and the metal doors snapped open. Stepping into the doorway, he heard the harsh grunts and groans coming from Jesse as he writhed on the bed. He'd only taken two more steps when Jesse's convulsions stopped completely, and he lay still.

***************************

Emma pushed in her hand one last time…and then she was through.

An image flooded her mind.

Gaumont. Sophia. Standing in the middle of the road, staring at Jesse/Emma in shock and disbelief. The image unfroze and the memory was played out before her. She couldn't hear what Jesse said, but she saw the faces of the other two people suddenly fill with horror. Then the scene changed – blurred – for a few seconds as a dozen red laser beams connected with Gaumont and Sophia, and they disintegrated before her very eyes.

And then the dark emotions surrounded her, the black formless shapes circling around her hungrily, drawing in closer and closer, until she could reach out and touch them. 

And that's exactly what she did. 

"I'm not afraid of you. You have no hold over me." She spoke calmly yet forcefully and then reached out and grasped one with both hands. The first one she grabbed was anger. The second, fear. The third, guilt. Each dark shape that she caught allowed her to feel and, more importantly, to understand what was going on in Jesse's chaotic mind. Each shadowy form was a piece of a puzzle that began to take shape. At last, all the pieces came together, and the picture was clear. 

She finally understood the reason for the overwhelming guilt that had been plaguing Jesse since that day at the Power Plant, the reason he refused to face what he'd done and felt and had ultimately buried deep in his own mind…the reason he'd nearly died.

It was Gaumont's and Sophia's deaths that haunted him. No, not so much their actual deaths, but the way he felt about them, the emotions surrounding it. When they'd died, Jesse had felt nothing. No revulsion. No pity. No shame. Nothing.

And that was the problem.

It was that lack of feeling that tortured his mind with guilt. Guilt for the way he'd felt, not for what he'd done. 

The reality had been too hard for Jesse to face. His naïve, young mind could not accept the way he'd felt about his actions, and he had retreated, blocking – barricading – the memory away.

He feared the memory and the feelings it provoked…but also what his teammates thought about him and the way he'd handled the situation. 

"Jesse," she called out into the stormy darkness. "It's okay to feel the way you do. There's nothing wrong with that. Gaumont and Sophia were heartless terrorists. They wouldn't blink at killing millions of people! There was no other way to stop them."

"Do you really believe that, or are you just saying it?"

Emma jumped as the soft voice spoke from behind her and twisted around to see Jesse standing there, his hands folded across his chest, staring at her.

"I mean every word of it, Jesse. I promised you before that I'd always tell you the truth, and I intend to honor that promise. And besides, you can't lie mind to mind. It doesn't work."

Jesse shifted his gaze to the ground, oblivious to the pouring rain that soaked through his white t-shirt and blue jeans and plastered his dark blond hair to his face. He appeared to be deep in thought, mulling over her words, deciding whether or not to believe her. "I didn't feel anything, Emma, when I watched them die. Nothing. It…it was like my body was there, but not my mind or my heart. I felt…numb," he said, his tone lifeless and flat.

"You almost died. You were in shock." She stretched out her hand and tenderly touched his cheek, gently forcing his head up so she could see his eyes. When he finally looked up, her breath caught in her throat at the sight of his blue eyes glistening with tears.

"I keep seeing it – over and over. Emma, please…I just want it to stop," he whispered, a single tear sliding down his left cheek.

Emma couldn't hold back any longer. She wrapped her arms around his wet, shivering body and hugged him tightly, pulling his head down to rest upon her own wet shoulder. He stiffened at her touch at first, but then relaxed and allowed his misery and pain release. She held him close as harsh sobs wracked his body, murmuring words of comfort and rubbing her hand up and down his back to soothe him. "Shhh, it'll be all right…Don't worry, Jesse. I'll help you."

*************************

The medical bay was silent and still, the only noise to be heard was the constant beeping of the various monitors situated nearby. Adam stood next to Emma, watching her, ready to break the connection if Jesse went into convulsions a second time. Shalimar was directly across from him at Jesse's side, holding his right hand with both of her own, gazing anxiously down at him, waiting for something – anything – to happen. 

And then everything happened at one. 

Tears began to stream from beneath Jesse's closed eyelids and down his ashen face, shocking Adam and Shalimar and rendering them speechless. With eyes still closed, he raised both his hands, pressing them against his temples as he rolled over to his left and curled his body up into a shivering, sobbing ball. The abrupt movement snapped Shalimar out of her shock and into motion. She immediately climbed onto the bed and pulled Jesse into her lap, cradling him gently, trying to sooth him.

"Shal…" Emma mumbled, looking over at the blond woman, her wide, glazed, green eyes standing out vividly against her pale skin. "Stay with him." Her mission accomplished, she turned away from the bed with Adam following closely behind, instinctively knowing that she'd pushed herself beyond her limit. She managed to take a few steps away before her shaky legs buckled and she collapsed, too exhausted to go any further, her limp body falling right into Adam's outstretched arms.

TBC…..

__


End file.
